Narnia Chronicles. Mr Tumnus. Mighty Ducks. Ice shoes. Frozen creeks. These are the few things on my mind as I lay in bed this Friday evening approaching 2012 with a diamond ring on my finger and many thoughts in my head. Winter is not the only subject filling my soul, as these last few weeks have rushed on with near bloating fullness. Late night shows I have loved, late night drives, late night brainstorms and late night longings. There have been sacred events in which the two families (of myself and my fiance) still new to each other, have come together with the chance to shine in equanimity. Christmas was one such event, full and full and full with the opening chasm of our continuing experience as one expanding family.
The expansion is incredibly exciting, and a phenomenal progression to witness. As Madeleine, Isaac’s mother, and I, remarked last night: “The joining of yourself and Isaac is wonderful. But with the coming together of our families, it is perfect.” I am so grateful for this massive blessing. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Our win is your win. Indeed, what more is there? My father and I walked the streets of New York this morning with my mother, fueled by good coffee, and found the presence of reality remarkable. What else is there? I feel it would be easy for me to think, great! Married. Let’s ‘settle down’ and get cosy. But no. I realized today during an ice-skating excursion with my family, the duration of which I was without a phone, due to having left it on the bed at home in the midst of morning-wedding-brain disorientation, that I do prefer being at work, on task, creating – than doing anything else. I am committed to creating my life as my work and my work as my play. I don’t see any point in segmenting life itself any further. There are no mutual exclusivities. Creation is the jewel of my existence. What do we dare dream of?
One curious reader sent a question a few months ago asking me what the point of my blog is. The point is to live a life of my own design, to share this life of my design with immediacy, and to demonstrate the possibilities pertaining to creating a life of one’s own design, with other human beings who might chance upon this humble work, leaving inspired and refreshed. Another reason for this Big Long Open Gash is to open the veins of my inspiration, with all their energy and misting spells, with all the emotion and human yearning, to show whomsoever is interested what it might feel like to be human, what it’s like to live over here, and to give others permission to do the same; that is, to share who they are with the world honestly, authentically, harmlessly, boldly.
What have I been doing all this time, between blog posts? During the last six weeks I have produced and organized my own wedding, the experience of which has been incredibly invigorating. I am thrilled that all I need do now is show up and enjoy the show. 2011 has been a powerfully transformative year. I’m not sure I recognize myself yet. My friend Stephen Blaise, Creative Director of FLY16x9.com, remembers a meeting we had earlier this year when I declared that 2011 would be the year of METAMORPHOSIS. Indeed it was. I am a butterfly and I was cocooned. I gorged myself on inspiration, and now I have flight to free myself with. Last week, I did my first nude photo shoot; another empowering experience for which I am so grateful. Life is so much a playground, and I’m still exploring what else I can do here. What else indeed? The imagination starts to liquefy.
Who knows what the future will bring. In many ways, I have a sense of it, but then again, it’s always more than I could imagine. Writing. Filming. Dreamweaving. And somewhere in there, our children. I’m interested in simplifying my life this New Year. I’m interested in focusing on fun, family, fervency and fortune. I am letting go of my human fears about ‘not being good enough’, about anything being ‘too hard’, about falling, and any fear about fear itself. What are you taking on and what are you letting go of? Leave it here on the walls of the Castle. (It will make great mortar!) The sun shone on New York today, and the snow hasn’t yet fallen on our cooling ground. Wherever you are, I sense there is such bounty for us during 2012. Let yourself be you. “Everyone else is taken,” said Oscar Wilde, for:
“Your life is your life.
Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
Be on the watch.
There are ways out.
There is a light somewhere.
It may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
Be on the watch.
The gods will offer you chances.
You can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
And the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
Your life is your life.
Know it while you have it.
You are marvelous
The gods wait to delight
(‘The Laughing Heart’ by Charles Bukowski)
I’ll be on the West Coast for most of January, before heading back to New York and then to Australia during April. Follow me via Tumblr or Twitter to take the journey too. Also, if you’re in New York this Spring, check back in with Paper Castle Press to find out about a special salon series Isaac and I will be hosting, open to all, which will include poetry readings, book readings, songs and stories in cosy locations, replete with dinner and alcoholic accoutrements. The Paper Castle grows. Love, and a Happy New Year. 2012 is magic.